I told you in my last post how I was a perfectionist throughout high school, and now I am a children’s author who writes and illustrates a series about a child with prosthetic limbs.
Now I want to tell you who I was in between those times. I want to tell you about my alcoholism and how it led to a car accident that would change me forever.
When I went to college something switched in me, and I finally decided to let loose. I guess you can only go for so long at the pace I was going juggling so many things and trying to be perfect before you have to let go a little bit. And I really, really let go.
In high school, I never experimented with drugs or alcohol. I was my parents’ angel, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. Not to mention I had to keep up my grades and stay in shape, and those goals don’t exactly align with using drugs and alcohol. I still wanted to look in front of my friends though, so at parties, I would always hold a red plastic cup like everybody else, except mine just had plain soda in it with no alcohol. No one knew the difference except for me.
But in college, I permitted myself to try everything I had missed out on in high school. My new group of friends was “party girls.” We had fake IDs, wore glittery skirts and heels, and went out to bars and clubs several times a week, even on weeknights. I discovered I loved getting a good buzz on and dancing and flirting with guys.
I had started college on an athletic scholarship playing for the university lacrosse team (but I wasn’t captaining like in high school). But I missed games and practices because I was too hungover to play, and by sophomore year I was off the team. I didn’t care though because lacrosse was just cutting into my social life too much anyway.
I talked to the financial department and was able to receive an academic grant instead to continue paying for school. But just like lacrosse, I missed too many classes and forgot to do too many assignments, and I lost my academic scholarship, too. My parents were livid and said I was on my own paying for college since I had managed to mess up two scholarship opportunities.
It wouldn’t be the last time I messed up.